Thursday, December 30, 2010

a stop in girltown

Spawn and I spend the day in a sparkling,magical,pinkness full of princesses,beautiful fairies,pretty shoes, pet shop "stuff",beads that stick together and form ponies, baby dolls and girls,girls,girls!
Three sisters (mine!) and three sisters( my nieces!) and Spawn.
Spawn was sweet as a whisper to his girl cousins, playing chess with one, serenading another with a plastic pink microphone and laying the floor and stroking the baby's hair while she sucked on his thumb.
I relaxed in the awesome beauty that is my sisters. Both so pretty,so smart,so capable and so tolerant...of me! We get each other and that is a treasure I will always be grateful for! Lovin girls rock!
I left feeling covered in happy dust and Will had given up and started reading the "chick" book his aunt gave him. When we got home, still dazed by the glittery girls' day, I said,
"I see you are still reading the chick book"
spawn-"yeah, I think i am going to go play modern warfare"
me-"yeah, i think i am going to go talk some trash on the computer"
sooo nice to visit girltown...happy in a one boy town!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

GNC and little packages!

watching Spawn hop and up down with excitement like a little frazzled elf on crack over his purchase of "HYPERBOLIC MASS GAINER XXX". I can tell he has visions of going to sleep a skinny boy and waking up as buff as Mark started like this..
At some point today THIS penetrated my magical in-my-own-world pretty head.
"Son, I don't speak chatter! Speak english!"
"Mom, we need to go to GNC today!"
"I got money for Christmas...I needs some supplements!"
"yeah! uh ..NO"
"ok what?"
"i need to get a weight gain supplement."
"so, screw the wait for it puberty talk we had."
"NOTHING artifical!"
He bounds out of the car as soon as we pull up-i sit for a second and just breathe. I walk in -he has already engaged the salesperson who looks at me and says.."ahhh, the parent or guardian??"
yeah fucker..something like that
I lean against the a shelf of acaci berry supplements and listen to a conversation so absurd i can't repeat it but i will store it in my mind videos to play later when i need to laugh!
Seriously, never been in a GNC store before but ding dang-it's kind of like the Ponce DeLeon fountain of youth store! NO LIE..they got something for EVERYTHING!
So Spawn walks out with a barrel sized canister of" make me fat" and he is SO HAPPY! my baby looks like angels kissed him, his face is so bright.
and I be quiet...shhh..because I CAN..if i have to. I suppress the need to bring the tall,skinny VOODOO GENETICS into it- :)
And i think about the week after he was born, after people went home and back to work and left me alone with the tiny child-lol-scary!
I was alone with the tiny spawn and i had this thought..oh lord please don't let him have a little penis..i think the fact that it was, well, really tiny, caught me off guard and i just didn't want him in his lifetime, to be hungry or sick or heart-broken or have a little penis. i think this may have been hormonal...ain't it all! :)
Anyway, he is all concerned with his weight and his pecs and his abs and i will be as straight -faced supportive as i can be through that! Because when he isn't thinking about all that for maybe an hour a day, he is just being a kid and annoying me! And i love that!
Plus i figured out that men have absolutely NO idea they have a small penis,even if they do. They float blissfully through life thinking they are packing! And I salute them for that!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

a spoon full of sugar and snow shoveling

So, shoveling snow and two layers of ice off the pool cover is a new and different, what the fuck, cold-ass, outside chore. BUT I am determined to learn how to do all the house maintenance by myself! LOL-just kidding! I can NEVER find someone around to help at the time I need it. If i don't get all this off, I will have more water ON the pool than IN the pool, which may need lead to pool cover collapse.....horror of horrors! At least as explained to me by the person who said, "YOU KNOW, you need to shovel that snow and ice off pool cover as soon as possible or you may have your pool cover collapse!"
I said, "Well, I don't think I have to do that, cause the sidewalk and driveway just melted and dried by themselves, didn't have to shovel either one." :)
obviously the wrong answer...I hate it when people give me exasperated annoying.
So I been shoveling that shit for about an hour, seems like 4. I am taking a beer break. I have decided that any outdoor chore that could lead to a broken nail OR causes me to sweat is a chore that requires a beer break. And that people, is what Mary Poppins was talking about when she sang, "Just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down...." in the most delightful way ...;) ( like that song isn't going to be stuck in my head the rest of the day!)
Although I have decided I could have really used a snow bunny buff boy to help with this cause the ice is really heavy, even in chunks. I was pretending I was on the "The most Dangerous Jobs" show and had a two way radio to talk to headquarters and was in danger of hitting myself in the head the flying ice when i flung the loaded shovel over my back. Which with my minimal coordination skills is TOTALLY possible.
AND, here's the thing...hellooooooooo... I can't reach the freaking middle anyway. It's not like the pool is frozen under the cover and i can walk out to the middle. SO, i am STILL going to have a ton of water on the pool cover when it melts and STILL have to suck a hose until i get water from the pool running through it to drain off the pool cover. Well, there ya go, check it off, I'm finished with that chore! Sometimes it helps to think things through with a little Mary Poppins in your head and beer. pool cover collapse-ha! another SUB-urban legend! :)

Sunday, December 26, 2010

cowboys don't always mean a rodeo and dating..part two

ahhh yes..the dating service. I want to say up front, I met some very nice men and had sone very nice dates through the dating service. But all in all, it was just a weird ass experience. Unlike so many of my decisions, the one to join the "old people meet old people" dating service, was NOT well thought out. LOL-this is a joke cause i rarely think through....never mind. Actually, there was a picture of this older, good-looking man that was ALWAYS on the side of my facebook page. Above his picture was the caption, "meet YOUR cowboy"!
I got used to seeing him there when i logged on-named him Sam, started saying hello to him every morning and possibly had little one-sided conversations with him late at night every once in a while.
Now, I never once thought about what Sam was an ad for and one night when I was a little tipsy and clicked on Sam, i was shocked that he was an ad for a dating service! NO LIE. For a smart girl, I have these tiny little "no clue" blind spots and sam was one of them...mainly cause i couldn't figure out what cowboys had to do with a dating site. I love cowboys, by the way but that is a whole different blog! I gaped at the ad, read "meet your mature and meaningful match" and immediately CLICKED off the site! And clicked back on it...and back off and back on and signed up for the free month...sigh. The reason I was on it for three months is because I kept thinking they had forgotten to cancel my free membership. I kept waiting to be shut down but figured I would keep looking at all my flirts and e-mails until it happened. OHHHHHH-no they didn't forget..i did not realize my membership was renewing itself with the help of my debit card every month. I appreciate the good friend who patiently explained that to me and even smiled at me while he cancelled my membership and dismantled my profile. Pretty sure he waited to roll his eyes until he left-I LOVE friends like that!!!!
I decided I should have a frank and meaningful discussion with Spawn about my decision to join.
Me: Hey, I've decided to join a dating's free for a month. Should be good for pure entertainment value. Who knows I might meet the love of my life, my prince... my..
Spawn: As long as it's free, funny and you never go on a date as long as you live and i get to look at the guys with you, I'm cool with it.
Me: Cool.
So Spawn and I embarked on our dating site experience. We never searched for our match, we simply responded or ignored whatever ended up in our in box. We made a pact never to laugh at how people looked, only at how stupid their user names were or how stupid their e-mails were. We would sit down and first delete the flirts. These are the lazy or inarticulate man's way to communicate. i like you so i will send you a smiley face with it's tongue hanging out that says i like you!!
Next we would read the e-mails from people who actually wrote down WORDS and sent them. unless they had a user name like 1heart4u or 4urightnow TRUluv4U or our personal favorite, emotionaldave-these we just felt we had to delete based on...well surely you understand.
Then if they didn't have a fluffy romantic-stupid user name and they wrote words we read it-gave it a thumbs up or down on content AND if we gave it a thumbs up we opened their profile. Here the process often came to a screeching halt. If they were...hummmm..physically...not our type we simply, gave each other a look and a nod and deleted. If they were, oh i don't know 68 years old-we scoffed,"cannot follow directions!" and deleted.
If they were our type, in the right age and height category and they didn't live in phucking ARIZONA or some out of state place we might reply. These, way the hell out of state, profiles always said , don't mind traveling for the right person...pleeze! me neither as long it doesn't take me more than two hours!
Spawn always liked a profile that had a nice car or boat in it..and men will post pictures of their cars and still tickles me AND pictures of their dogs..little fluffy dogs! :)
Anyway, Spawn and I have moved on to other things..I've decided dating is too complicated for me right now, Spawn got a ps3....but we did decide that you men who are 5'8" to 5'11" RULE the world, dudes..cause your are the majority! I didn't find my cowboy..but i had quite a ride! ;)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

whore's ovaries and dating-part one

So, big week! My first ever, (three month), experience on a dating website ended and i think i FINALLY learned to spell hors d'Oeures! woo hoo! The spelling of the whore's ovaries word had plagued me for YEARS and i only have to spell it 2 or 3 times a year.
Will I miss the dating website,yes and yes-lol, i meant yes and NO.
Here's my profile that i put on the old people meet old people dating site:
"A little about me...
taking a break from cleaning the gutters-who knew that was such a sweaty,nasty dirty,sweaty,dirty ass job. Although it can be done in a bikini so that's a plus. why do we need gutters-really? are they just leaf traps?? and why do we need to catch some leaves and not others. I bet it really pisses the caught gutter leaves off to see all those other leaves lying free on the ground..i managed to make it through the mowing season-although with kind of half-ass skill level..PLEASE tell me there are no more outside chores after gutter cleaning and raking leaves...if there there are, I'm not doing them..retreating to the house for the fireplace and beer : )
thanks to Dave for mentioning something about needing to put lime on the grass and as i told him-the only lime will be the one in my vodka tonic. and i am NOT aerating..cause frankly i don't know what that means!
The ONLY redeeming thing about Fall is candy corn! It is my candy CRACK. And plentiful this time of year....and it transitions from Halloween to Thanksgiving with your Brach's Harvest Mix...sweet!
I'd just like to add...
FYI-based on the # of e-mails I've received from men looking for "a sweet and God-fearing woman", this is NOT me. I am so not god-fearing (not even sure what this means exactly!!!) and there is no 24/7 guarantee on the sweetness..i believe sweetness should be"

I don't know about you but i thought i was pretty oddly candid-i also said i was interested in-and this is important- in men 48-58, 5"11 to 6'4. And every day, i got a flirt email from "lookingformygreencard"-just kidding-"lookingfortruelove" and he was FOUR'SIX" and 70 years old from Cairo, Egypt!..pleeze! to be continued

Thursday, December 16, 2010

terra firma and matching panties!

I think it was around this time last year that it occurred to me that I would having my 49th birthday in the new year. That meant that i would also be starting my 50th year. And the 15 year old girl inside me looked at the 48 year old outside of me and said, "WTF, girl, when you did stuck in quicksand and just decide that might just be a good place to spend the rest of your life?"
And so I set my mind to thinking about just that. It took me about two months to figure out, it wasn't a good place to spend the rest of my life. With a plan or at least a roadmap, I starting dismantling my life and putting it back together differently. It was hard, I don't recommend it for anyone who has a sliver of doubt about where they want to be at the end of the journey. You can doubt the path you are taking to get there but if you doubt where you want to go,don't go. Follow your bread crumbs back.. Damn, that was slightly deep, i will try not to do that again! lol
So in the spring I lost 20 pounds to end up weighing what i did in high school and started running,every day. Got attached to Mega Tan-very bad-i know-weaning myself off that naked, hot, buttery goodness! got tattoos-just two but enough to branded "tatted up" by his Spawnness and made some difficult and painful decisions and moves. I have ended up the middle of my 50th year..where i wanted to be. No longer in quick sand..but on terra perhaps, uncharted territory. Tell ya about that shit later :)
But in an effort not to get stuck again, i want to make sure I don't stand still and that i give serious thought to about ways that i can improve me!
Some thoughts: more vegetables...yeah this one really doesn't appeal to me
2. eat more fruit..cousin to # 1 and just doesn't seem important enough..although i am finding that fresh MANGOS rock
3. volunteer!!! hummmm in what spare time..and to do what..too undefined
4.learn about wine..hahahhahaha-sorry-i just put that on the list to amuse myself
5. learn a new de pepe..i do not have an ear for language
anyway you get the gist of this's a long and not as interesting to me list as i thought it would be

SO i imagine my delight when i came up with a self-improvement idea that was appealing to me and i think somewhat important!

I am going to make an effort EVERYDAY to wear matching panties and bras! no lie..i haven't done this since my first semester of college..when all that studying and testing just took all desire for coordinated underwear away. you get it back briefly from time to time when you start dating a hottie, maybe right after you get married BUT having kids sucks it completely away. Shit, then you just feel lucky you made it to work remembering to put a bra and panties on!
So i am going to, well, buy some underwear that actually match and then every morning twirl in the mirror and marvel at how good matching underwear makes me feel! Once i get this down, i may try to learn how to use chopsticks! :)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

wedding cookies..and really cold beer

Dear Spawn,
In my on-going and some days more frustrating than others, quest to raise a man who not a total and complete dickweed, let's talk about lessons learned TODAY,son.
UNO: THINK about the consequences your actions may have on OTHERS BEFORE you act. This is a biggie-write it down!
I can picture you, your sweet face smiling at the teacher, as you raised your hand and said, " Professora,I'm sure that I can bring 100 Mexican Wedding Cookies for Cultural Day on Wednesday."
Volunteerism is a good thing. Volunteering when some part of you knows, YOU aren't really volunteering to do anything is NOT. Before the hand went up and the mouth opened, here is the internal conversation you needed to have with yourself.
SELF-i would love to volunteer to bring the cookies, el professora is so pretty and she will be so pleased BUT then there is MOM (insert any signifcant female in your life for whom you may be volunteering). It is possible that I will forget to mention to mom that WE have volunteered to bring 100 Mexican Wedding Cookies until the morning before I have to take them. VERY probable we will not have ANY of the ingredients to make the cookies, like flour,sugar or butter. This may cause mom to have to, after a really hard day at work, go into the grocery store-which she hates! aww poor mommy..think..think! And, oddly, she may have to go on an evening when the ice storm predicted for THURSDAY will have brought out the bread and milk HORDES-which may lead mommy to cuss like a sailor inside her head and buy beer. By the time she gets home, she may look at me with that scary look, that when i was little made me afraid she was going to sell me to trolls in the middle of the night. AND SERIOUSLY, do I have any fond childhood memories when mom was BAKING? hummmmm, i think not! And it's possible, based on her mood, my annoying enthuasism and our combined lack of skill that there may be a moment when she says, "you are licking every damn bit of that damn cookie dough off the ceiling!"

And if you had had this internal conversation, when el professora called on you and said, " VICTOR (?), what can you bring(in spanish)?"
you would say, " paper plates and napkins(in spanish)" I love you, baby!

and that, sweet spawn, is thinking about the consequences of your actions may have on others BEFORE you act and i will promise you that women, pretty women like el professora and PEOPLE in general will appreciate it! no lie!
Love, Mommy

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Sir-Mix-A-Lot lessons

I remember so clearly my dad saying to me, over and over,during my adolesence,whenever my music was playing, " I can't understand a damn thing they are saying."
I always thought that was weird since i could understand the words perfectly. I mean, it wasn't as if they were singing in that high pitched tone that only dogs and teenagers can hear.
When Spawn was 4 years old, I, for some reason, lost to me now, bought him a cd of hip hop songs from the late 70's and early 80's. He liked to dance and he was so cute! Singing at the top of his lungs and shakin it, in that unmistakable, well, small white boy rhythemless,wild man way. It was sooo good for Mommy to hear those classics again like ,"walk this way", "funky cold medina" and "u can't touch this", again...LOL.
But Spawn latched onto one song in PARTICULAR and it wasn't "Parents Just don't Understand" was...tada..BABY GOT BACK by that awesome muscial and enduring ;) musical talent, Sir Mix-A-Lot. It wasn't until i heard him singing it at the top of his lungs in the grocery store that i occurred to me, perhaps I had not really heard, in a meaningful way, the lyrics. Strangely, coming out of a four year old mouth with other mothers in the vegetable aisle looking at us, ok glaring, that song sounds pretty damn dirty!
And that was a bell I could not
So after years of making Spawn get CENSORED cds-cause mommy learned her Sir Mix-a-lot lesson, i found that when lil Wayne was censored, i didn't understand a damn thing he was saying. What I recently found out listening to Pandora radio is the reason for that is that if you are listening to the censored version, he really ISN'T saying anything!!!! BUT holy shit if you listen to the uncensored version...he is saying alot and it is all way past "baby got back" dirty!
I don't hear Will's music anymore cause he listens to it on his ipod but i gave permission for uncensored (another bell....) at the end of the summer. He had an sounded good at the the time..i will spare you the details.
I truly love to shake my ass to the new world of music Spawn has opened up to me and i do understand every damn WORD they are saying but like my dad, not sure i understand everything they are saying... like right now i am fascinated with a concept that is prevalent in many songs. "It ain't trickin if ya got it...." I asked Spawn about the eye roll!!!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Pretty Girl Rules..part 2

I must have looked really funny, cause Sherry laughed out loud.
"oh, chica, you look like you just opened a little box and got a big diamond!"
WELL, quite frankly, that is a little how I felt. I can't explain it exactly but I KNEW there were pretty girl rules, KNEW it, deep down in my scrawny ass girl heart. AND now a real pretty girl as gonna share them with me. OH YEAH..i was having a Zales x-mas commercial moment!!
" The set in stone rules will probably come as no surprise to you." (BET ME-LOL)
"First and foremost..I am a princess and so shall i be treated. now you can substitute several different words for princess.. the bomb, the top, the best you ever had..."
"I like princess." :)
" Equally important..I get what I want."
"PERIOD...this is war, girl! ok, now, next, everything is mine..what's yours is mine, what's mine is's all mine!"
This strikes me as particularly awesome cause it's like being a TODDLER!
Mine, mine mine!
"Keep your man in check by reminding him from time to time that there are other men who would LOVE to be in his shoes."
LOL-k-save that one for when i get one.
"So, do ya'll get like this rule book?"
"APRIL, any girl who thinks she is pretty can live by pretty girl rules. It doesn't matter who else thinks she is pretty-if she knows she is pretty-she can live by the rules and rock the attitude. And WE have to rock the attitude at this time in our lives and we will get past anything we have to get past. You can add your own pretty girl rules to the ones I have told you."
"Where were you when i was in high school??!!!!"
"In diapers, B" lol- nice!
" I think one of my rules will be to have a little pink into my life everyday."
"Well, you carry that big ass pink bag-that won't be hard" ;)

I think pink has become for me in my 50th year, magic...a piece of pretty..
and pretty girls ( it's the attitude ladies) rule...

Pretty Girl Rules...part 1

My friend, Sherry, is the prettiest girl I know. We are best friends and, as it turns out, struggling with being single and raising kids at exactly the same time. We are each other's personal cheerleader. Although we would look stupid standing together on a squad, cause she is just TINY and I.... am not! I feel like I tower over her like a spastic crane. She never seems to notice. :)
We try to find time everyday to discuss our most recent "missteps" which are frequent and often amusing and sometimes really bad, but as optimists we tend to minimize (LOL) or shake off the bad ones. Not to say we don't have trimuphs too...I just can't think of any right now. After a particularly challenging discussion about current problems, that despite our combined, quite significant, blond brain power, we were unable to solve to our satisfaction, we both sighed.
Then Sherry looked at me and said, "You know what this means don't you?" We are going to have to live by the Pretty Girls Rules 24/7!"
I was stunned! " Get the fuck out! Ya'll have RULES! SERIOUSLY!"
Sherry gave me her, "you are a moron but I will overlook it for now " look and said, " Of course we do. Now, granted, Pretty Girl Rules vary from pretty girl to pretty girl with only a few set in stone for us all. And as you get older and depending on your situation , it is not always necessary to live by the rules every day. BUT NOTHING will get you over a hump, any hump, like commiting to Pretty Girl Rules from the minute you open your bright eyes in the morning until the minute your sweet eyes close at night."
And I, at that moment, was SPEECHLESS.....

Monday, December 6, 2010

peacocks and ME

I am usually VERY careful never to get caught in a situation where i have to talk to women who are not, well,like me. The categories of these women are endless but include "women whose conversation sounds like prattle to me, make me laugh outloud in my head and take themselves so seriously". This is a particularly uncomfortable group for me to be around because i always encounter them at freaking sports practices. Why Spawn will not just give up on the sports ,i do not know. Especially because I gave him my athletic ability, which is to say, NONE. I am proud of him for perservering but my god, indoor soccer..really...REALLY! So shit, i get stuck with these well groomed women who are prattling, i am kind of smiling,bobbing along in the the wake of their prattle, blah, blah..some book drive..blah, blah,blah..Heather is such a nice girl but honestly, I have told Kevin, don't tie yourself down. What!...pretty sure KEVIN is 13.
And then it happens..I decide I am going to speak. Not a good idea, i know and some part of me knows it at the time but suprisingly I am a little hard to control even for ME-lol!
But in my quest to raise a boy to a man who is not a total and complete dick, i decide i will ask these strange and exotic creatures about how they plan on doing that.
"Do you guys ever think about raising a boy who becomes a man who is , like , an excellent human being and partner?..?"
Blank stares.. then the leader( i think) speaks...
"What do you mean, Angel?"
"It's April, I mean, I just think that we, as women, have to stop complaining about men, whatever they are or aren't, when we are the ones to raise them. We have the power to raise men who are excellent human beings and partners. Don't you think about that? "
"of course!" one of them said, the rest, wisely, just ignored me.
"But I find it is so hard to overcome my maternal instinct to DO FOR my child."
WHAT!? I so did not get that instinct as part of my maternalfantabulessness. My instinct is to say, you need to do it for yourself and i will be here if you mess it up cause I don't want you to grow up expecting a woman or anyone else is going to do it for you. Plus the more I teach him to do...the less i have to do. SWEET!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Costa Rica and hormones

I tend to be a logical thinker, which is why, i think, i was so blindsided by confusion over pre,para,WHATEVER menapause. Seriously, what the fuck! :(
So if i understand this correctly, being a woman, given the great and supreme honor of being able to bear children, this was an honor that came with ahhhhh shall we said a downside. A little cross to bear, for being so special. Like, PERIODS!!!!! Monthly, days of pain,inconvience and psycopathic thoughts about killing those you love or total strangers because they might open their months and SPEAK to you. AND the great and supreme honor lasts for decades,people,DECADES! AND should you actually choose to reproduce, that turns out to be nine months of "what tiny part of this is even fun" with a big finish that is REALLY not fun. but that's ok cause we special...blessed! I get that!
Here is what i don't get...logically, after all that special crappy ass pain and inconvience, there should be like a reward. A, now that you're no longer preproductively useful, you get a really cool retirement, a sweet put out to pasture kind of warm buttery present. A big fanafare, you put up with this discomfort shit for 40 + years, here is your check for a billion dollars and your new car driven by your very own 25 year old naked cowboy, who had boundless sexual energy! That seems logical to me. Took one for the team..get rewarded.
But Noooooooo. It don't work that way, chica. Instead the planner in the sky, who is obviously CONFUSED about what might a nice compensation for feeling like your insides are being ripped out once a month forever, gives us DIFFERENT shit. ohhh but they mix it up a little, a nice touch, take away one or two crappy things and replace them some equally crappy things. That makes no sense to me...none.
The first time I had a night sweat, i thought, i can deal with worth not having a period. I love to be warm anyway, i will fling off the covers and imagine i am lying on a beach in Costa Rica, naked! It is actually harder to fool yourself that you are having something good happen to you with the hot flashes in the day cause the truth is, you are just sitting in a meeting,red faced, burning from the inside out with a possibility of a bead of sweat rolling down your face. I never could figure out how to spin those postively. and after a while, the whole sleep deprivation thingy with the night sweats got to me and i started to hate Costa Rica! Night sweats are less like lying on a beach naked in Costa Rica and more like being a roofer on the job on a 90 + day. They suck!
So, thanks for listening to my railing against the fates about what i consider to be one of the more UNFAIR and illogical (in the little world that is my head)realitites of life.
Oh and for me...the really cool thing is I'm going to struggling with the menapause thing at the same time Spawn is struggling with puberty!!! The battle of the waning hormones against the raging hormones! stay tuned for that shit! ;)

Friday, December 3, 2010

eating lettuce

spawn and i were having this conversation coming back from Thanksgiving at dad's and i said, are you happy? He said yes and no. He was happy, not happy with his parents' separation but ok with it. home was fine..home was fine... but school..he said with such sad and open honesty.. that school was hard..hard to be skinny..hard to have freckles(FRECKLES..REALLY) hard to be shorter than everyone except for the Asian girls. and i said oh my sweet boy, i know exactly where you are and there is no cure but puberty and the Lovin's are late fucking bloomers. I endured Sam H.'s taunts every(EVERY DAY) day from 13 to 15 on bus 36,pirate's dream(lots of days i came home and cried). carpenter's dream. I ate lettuce everyday because someone said it would make my boobs grow and it didn't AND i had big eyes and a little face so got alot of bug-eye taunting too!
and spawn looked at me and said so what did you do- i said- i tried to be funny and he said that's what i do! and we smiled at each other and i said I know it doesn't mean alot now when you mom says it will be ok but TRUST me -it will be ok! stay funny and your body will catch up and you will irresistible.
"like you" he said
"yes" i said
"MOM. you are soooo not irresistible
BUT i am funny and taller than than the Asian girls and hey, Sam H.-- have breasts-and i will bet they are holding up better than your sex drive these days..kiss!

yeah baby!

no more character limitations..not worries about profanity...none of spy's friends or spawn's ...i am gonna talk!..tomorrow...