Wednesday, December 29, 2010

GNC and little packages!

watching Spawn hop and up down with excitement like a little frazzled elf on crack over his purchase of "HYPERBOLIC MASS GAINER XXX". I can tell he has visions of going to sleep a skinny boy and waking up as buff as Mark started like this..
At some point today THIS penetrated my magical in-my-own-world pretty head.
"Son, I don't speak chatter! Speak english!"
"Mom, we need to go to GNC today!"
"I got money for Christmas...I needs some supplements!"
"yeah! uh ..NO"
"ok what?"
"i need to get a weight gain supplement."
"so, screw the wait for it puberty talk we had."
"NOTHING artifical!"
He bounds out of the car as soon as we pull up-i sit for a second and just breathe. I walk in -he has already engaged the salesperson who looks at me and says.."ahhh, the parent or guardian??"
yeah fucker..something like that
I lean against the a shelf of acaci berry supplements and listen to a conversation so absurd i can't repeat it but i will store it in my mind videos to play later when i need to laugh!
Seriously, never been in a GNC store before but ding dang-it's kind of like the Ponce DeLeon fountain of youth store! NO LIE..they got something for EVERYTHING!
So Spawn walks out with a barrel sized canister of" make me fat" and he is SO HAPPY! my baby looks like angels kissed him, his face is so bright.
and I be quiet...shhh..because I CAN..if i have to. I suppress the need to bring the tall,skinny VOODOO GENETICS into it- :)
And i think about the week after he was born, after people went home and back to work and left me alone with the tiny child-lol-scary!
I was alone with the tiny spawn and i had this thought..oh lord please don't let him have a little penis..i think the fact that it was, well, really tiny, caught me off guard and i just didn't want him in his lifetime, to be hungry or sick or heart-broken or have a little penis. i think this may have been hormonal...ain't it all! :)
Anyway, he is all concerned with his weight and his pecs and his abs and i will be as straight -faced supportive as i can be through that! Because when he isn't thinking about all that for maybe an hour a day, he is just being a kid and annoying me! And i love that!
Plus i figured out that men have absolutely NO idea they have a small penis,even if they do. They float blissfully through life thinking they are packing! And I salute them for that!


  1. Small? we figure 4 inches x100 strokes is 400 inches of dick! Isnt that making love all night or at least 5 minutes, that is, if you dont move too much........?

  2. You mean when the girls say it's a monster, there's, well, a possibility that it's NOT!!!

    Next you're going to tell me that orgasm was a dramatic interpretation...

  3. what do you call all those multiple orgasms

  4. American putz's average 5"-6". If it ends up less than that he can always say his name is Ling Wang. Some say it dont matter. whut chu say?