Wednesday, December 29, 2010

GNC and little packages!

watching Spawn hop and up down with excitement like a little frazzled elf on crack over his purchase of "HYPERBOLIC MASS GAINER XXX". I can tell he has visions of going to sleep a skinny boy and waking up as buff as Mark Walberg.....sigh..it started like this..
At some point today THIS penetrated my magical in-my-own-world pretty head.
"momweneedtogotoGNCmomweneedtogotoGNCmomweneedtogotoGNCmomweneedtogotoGNC"
"Son, I don't speak chatter! Speak english!"
"Mom, we need to go to GNC today!"
"What?"
"I got money for Christmas...I needs some supplements!"
"yeah! uh ..NO"
"MOM!"
"ok what?"
"i need to get a weight gain supplement."
"so, screw the wait for it puberty talk we had."
"YES!"
"NOTHING artifical!"
"PROMISE!"
sigh...
He bounds out of the car as soon as we pull up-i sit for a second and just breathe. I walk in -he has already engaged the salesperson who looks at me and says.."ahhh, the parent or guardian??"
yeah fucker..something like that
I lean against the a shelf of acaci berry supplements and listen to a conversation so absurd i can't repeat it but i will store it in my mind videos to play later when i need to laugh!
Seriously, never been in a GNC store before but ding dang-it's kind of like the Ponce DeLeon fountain of youth store! NO LIE..they got something for EVERYTHING!
So Spawn walks out with a barrel sized canister of" make me fat" and he is SO HAPPY! my baby looks like angels kissed him, his face is so bright.
and I be quiet...shhh..because I CAN..if i have to. I suppress the need to bring the tall,skinny VOODOO GENETICS into it- :)
And i think about the week after he was born, after people went home and back to work and left me alone with the tiny child-lol-scary!
I was alone with the tiny spawn and i had this thought..oh lord please don't let him have a little penis..i think the fact that it was, well, really tiny, caught me off guard and i just didn't want him in his lifetime, to be hungry or sick or heart-broken or have a little penis. i think this may have been hormonal...ain't it all! :)
Anyway, he is all concerned with his weight and his pecs and his abs and i will be as straight -faced supportive as i can be through that! Because when he isn't thinking about all that for maybe an hour a day, he is just being a kid and annoying me! And i love that!
Plus i figured out that men have absolutely NO idea they have a small penis,even if they do. They float blissfully through life thinking they are packing! And I salute them for that!

4 comments:

  1. Small? we figure 4 inches x100 strokes is 400 inches of dick! Isnt that making love all night or at least 5 minutes, that is, if you dont move too much........?

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  2. You mean when the girls say it's a monster, there's, well, a possibility that it's NOT!!!

    Next you're going to tell me that orgasm was a dramatic interpretation...

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  3. what do you call all those multiple orgasms

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  4. American putz's average 5"-6". If it ends up less than that he can always say his name is Ling Wang. Some say it dont matter. whut chu say?

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