Tuesday, May 27, 2014

steps..grasshoppers and nipples

So my friend Beth and I are driving around aimlessly on the first day the county instituted the no smoking on county property and she said, "First it's the smokers and next it will be fat people!"
I said , " They can't do that!"
She smiled sagely and said "Fat people!"
Well..they did. They have given us 9 months to get our fat or cholesterol or blood pressure under control or we will pay a  fat tax. BUT they have offered us a PEBBLE! a helpful pebble.  If you wear it  on your shoe and go by to the kickfit station in the agency it will download how many steps you have walked and you will be rewarded! So I paid for and ordered the pebble and the realized, my shoes are way too cute for this pebble!!!!
So I got a Fit bit bracelet.But I am embracing the 10,000 steps a day just for me. You can shove your standing desk up your ass.  I pop up and out of mine like a grasshopper.
 The county can't track me but..interestingly enough I went to our employee health connection for a possible sinus infection and the PA said "OMG you need to see a nutritionist. Your BMI is below 18%!"
I said. "OKAY here is the thing. I decided 2 months ago to eat 5 servings of fresh fruits or vegetables a day and I am losing weight.  I don't need to lose weight so this healthy eating is bad!!!!!!!"
She said "No you aren't doing something right!"
Back to my musing....I am not going into the download station everyday so the county can log my steps but my fitbit does let me know when I have walked my 10,000 steps  by vibrating on my wrist which almost always scares the shit out me.
Fitbit tells me how many steps I have taken, how many minutes I have been active, it tells me how many hours I was asleep and how many minutes I was restless while sleeping.
Here is what I want.. tell me how many times I smiled today...how many times I laughed..how many times I made someone else laugh.  Tell me how many orgasms I had today..although I know that but does fitbit count those as active minutes...ohhhh i hope so!
tell me how many times I have made a difference in someone's life ..because that's my job.  I hope the county can wrap that into that pebble...not how many steps you take but how many you motivate others to take.
I would also like the fitbit to report to how many times I piss Spawn off a day and how often I look at my nipples and think they are pretty. I need a spread sheet! :)
The steps you take everyday are important ...but the steps you encourage others to take are your vibration.