Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I have enough sausage, thanks....

I returned to work after a long holiday break to 463 e-mails and 33 calls to return. And I will get to all that eventually. More concerning was the stunning realization that people might actually be listening to what I say!
This is kind of scary because I often speak without thinking BUT only when I know I won't get in trouble for anything that might come out of my mouth. Which is to say, I NEVER really speak without thinking, it only appears to others that I do. This allows me to say whatever the hell I please, and then look quizzical, shrug and say, "what????" when I ruffle feathers! That's just one of my "fun games to play with people at work that don't know they are playing" games! I got a bunch of them!
Anyway before I left for the holidays, I was in a meeting and someone down the table said something about getting one of those "Hickory Farms" food gifts for x-mas and how they loved the jelly (?-whatever) but hated the summer sausage. I turned to the person beside me and said, " I love summer sausage." That's it! That's all I said!!! I don't even think that many people heard me.
Yesterday when I checked my box on the way to my office, I had all kinds of work related crap and two small Swiss Colony summer sausages. At first I thought they were a gift but they were unadorned and alone. I thought, well, that's odd, but luckily for me I LOVE summer sausage! When I got to my office, I found two other summer sausages in a non-gift bag on my desk and two in my chair! Later in the day i got 3 slim Jim cheese/summer sausage combo snacks ( stocking stuffers?????) in my box! This morning I had four summer sausages- different sizes and brand names in my box and TWO freakin mini FRUIT CAKES and some kind of a pecan log! ( I am POSITIVE I have never used the words "fruit cake" except when referring to another human being) I think my box is becoming a repository for all the holiday food no one else in this building wants! Now I'm starting to suspect all these phucking candy canes weren't festive gifts of appreciation but instead dropped off like babies in baskets on the doorstep of "the home for orphan holiday food", office B 252. I will have to find an adoptive home for them, cause i am not eating candy canes!
HEY-why is when I say important things NOBODY listens and when I express a simple food like, it rains summer sausages!!!!
I love pink shoes! I love cost of living raises! ...sigh...
and off topic, Am I the only person who goes to Wendy's for a plain potato and a side salad and comes back with a Baconator and fries? They seriously need to stop putting pictures on fast food drive-thru menus! I'm just saying...


  1. all that sausage, so little time....mmmmm baconater!

  2. Bwahahahaha...i don't even know what to say but that's funny shit right there. LOL.