Sunday, January 23, 2011

HMWT Syndrome and time OFF

Dear Spawn,
Although we have had this discussion many,many times, sometimes it is worth having again! Like when you make snarky little comments like you made when you got home today.
And HEY,mommy missed you too -BTW! Not really, it was only two days and honestly I think it would take alot more time than that for me to actually miss my 13 year old boy who believes he is my keeper/warden/daddy/morale compass and fashion police officer. I think you would have to be gone for at least a week ( time for the reality of your sassy, opinionated, eye-rolling, happy mouth to fade to misty memories of my sweet little boy laughing with out-stretched arms, wearing overalls, running to me and throwing his chunky arms around me and saying "I love you, mommy"-that kind of time). You would have to be gone for a week, I would have had to read every book in this house, watched every episode of True Blood, Spartacus and Trailer Park Boys TWICE, have cleaned the house to the baseboards and be out of beer for me to be truly pining for ya. Just kidding, sort of!
Back to our "Hey, Mom, watch this!!!" issue. Also know as the HMWT Syndrome. I do not know if other mothers and children suffer from this but WE, as you well know, have been aware of our affliction with this disorder since you were three. I think your comment today. made me aware you need to remember there IS a positive side to disorder.I am aware that only the two of us and close family was aware that we suffered from this before today, but maybe by sharing we can help others. I have stopped being frustrated by it. I just wish sometimes you would remember we have it and save us both some time.
I first became aware of the problem when you were three and understandably wanted me to to witness your many triumphs. Like when you said, "Mommy,Mommy, watch me catch the ball when Bubby throws it to me!" and after ball was thrown over and over and you didn't. You wandered away to new pursuits and your brother looked at me and said, "Wow ,i don't understand it. He caught it every time before we came in here to show you." Later that week you said, "Mommy,Mommy come watch me pee in the big potty!!!!" OH YAY! And yet somehow every time that weekend you tried to show me, that stream of pee ended up to the left, right, above or below the toilet.
That Monday, when I took you into daycare, I was like, "Uh, hey, Miss Kim,like I thought you potty trained him????" (because honestly Son, someone had to and she was better at it than I was) She said, " That is odd because he always hits the mark here! Sharp Shooter!" Sigh....
As time went on I realized we had a PROBLEM! From jump shots,to magic tricks,to cartwheels, to yoyo tricks, to bike or skateboard feats of greatness, to recitation of new rap lyrics...all successful until you utter those words, " Hey Mom, watch this!"
I knew we suffered from HMWT Syndrome for several years before you were old enough to discuss it with me. After you became frustrated trying to show me that you could keep a balloon in the air for 30 consecutive pop up taps, I explained that because we suffered from the syndrome and anything you tried to show me was doomed to end in failure. SO perhaps you needed to, I don't know, stop constantly try to show me stuff, like when i was cleaning a toilet, or on the phone, or in the damn bathroom. You were in a denial, and a child and of course continued to try to show me stuff and it continued to fail in front of me. I continued to gently remind you when you pounced on me while mopping to show me a rubber band trick, that it probably wasn't going to work because of HMWT syndrome -we both almost lost our eyes that time.
But we continue to live with it and deal with it. And there have been breakthroughs! When you said, "Hey Mom, watch this! This is my impression of a frazzled deer!" SON, that was the damn funniest thing I have ever seen in my life- you looked nothing like a deer but you made the "frazzled" work and I laughed til I cried.
So tonight, when you came in and said (sarcastically), " WOW,MOM, the only game you don't come to, cause you don't feel good, we win and I get an AWEsome assist. Guess you are sorry you missed it!"
HELLO-HMWT Syndrome!!! Spawn, you won because I wasn't there!! And let's be honest, last week I went and read through the whole game, cause I don't understand it and it's just a tad boring and you lost.
I will continue to understand that this is a lifetime disorder and you will continue to TRY to disprove it. That's okay, because as it worked in your favor will work in mine someday.
You come home in the future and say, " Hey Mom, I am going to ask Nicole to marry me!" and I have decided that Nicole is totally and completely wrong for you. I am going to say, " Hey Son, Wouldn't it be GREAT to do it ,like, at a party here! That way I can WATCH!" kiss!
Love, Mommy,
who has enjoyed and clapped at every failed attempt because YOU are the stop bothering me ;)

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