Spawn and the GIRL..and a mouse

Spawn met a girl visiting her grandparents(who live in our neighborhood) over the x-mas holidays. she lives out of state. There has been some texting action going on-I am aware of it. Lately some phone calling..again aware.. BECAUSE he tells me about it! She will be thereafter referred to as "GIRL".
S-"GIRL is a vegetarian..she believes animal flesh is nauseating."
M-"Wow -that is awesome for her! Nauseating is always good! Mini-corn-dogs for supper, with fresh spinach and raw carrots?"
S-"Sure"
S-"GIRL writes poetry...she calls it her laments"
M-"Spawn, 14 year old girls ALL lament!!!!!! It is an inexplicable developmental stage for teenage girls!! They lament, pine, despair, sigh and write poetry about lamenting and pining! "
S-"What?"
M-"NEVER mind...."
S-" GIRL paints and draws -she is an artist-like you, Mom!"
M-" That is AWESOME! awesome..."

S-" GIRL listens to alternative rock. She wants me to listen to some of her favorite bands so I can kind of get into what she likes and feels."
M-" Awesome and I am all about you getting into what she likes and feels, since she lives across the country!! feel on, dude! What does she think about your rap?"
S-" That is downgrades women and has nothing substitutive to offer the world."
M-" But you can rock the booty to it , right?"
S-"Word!"
GIRL is not bothering me...not causing a ripple in my pond til last week....
MONDAY: Spawn is listening to inappropriate rap and killing people right and left on Black Ops-eating bacon and pancakes for supper..just another peaceful night at home! :)
TUESDAY AM: Shrieking like a baby girl -ME-"Mouse!!!!!!"
Rat Terrier nails clicking on the floor -Spawn behind her with a golf club- a driver, and for the next 10 minutes chaos in the kitchen trying to catch a mouse ( dog, boy and golf club!) -it got away....
TUESDAY PM-
M-" What in god's name are you listening to and why are you playing it over and over again????"
S-"GIRL'S favorite song right now-trying to get some insight into how she feels?"
M-"YAY-turn it off or use earplugs cause I cannot listen to that one more time!!!"
S-" you don't like it?"
M-"in a word -NO. Are you going to set these mouse traps???"
S-"Can you?"
M-"-oh hell yeah i can"
WEDNESDAY AM: mommy's peanut butter baited trap got the mouse! YAY! Woke up Spawn at the regular time!!
M-" got the mouse, got the mouse!!! want to see it!"
S-" I can't look at it. I am sad we caught it and now it's dead."
M-"WHAT?"
S-"I talked to GIRL last night and she is concerned we don't have an animal friendly house and so I am I, Mom."
M-"WHAT!!!!"
S-"that mouse was just seeking a warm place to live and we killed it"
M-"SO does this mean you are not going to free the dead mouse from the trap and throw it in the woods?"
S-"I can't...it makes me sad."
M-" YOU who kill squirrels and EAT them??? This makes you sad?"
S-"yes.. I am starting to rethink that..."
M-" Fine!"
S-"What are you going to do with it?"
M-" I am going to throw the mouse and the whole damn trap in the woods. AND son, that mouse would still be alive if it had tried to find it's warm place OUTSIDE! AND-can I just say girls don't know every thing! And truthfully I say to you over the body of this mouse, don't adjust yourself to fit the GIRL. Find a girl that fits you and you fit her...just the way you are. Alot of grown-ups haven't figured this out and it leads to grown-up LAMENT."
S-" you are talking too much!"
M-"Fine!"
S-"Fine!"
This week we are back to rap and Black ops! :)
Until tonight....
S-" I think maybe I should go for the super religious girls...they are really cute and have never had a boyfriend..."
OMG....EEK