Friday, April 22, 2011

shopping..shank! and crotch covers :)

I HATE shopping! HATE it! Food shopping, clothes shopping, car shopping,appliance shopping,electronic shopping,shoe shopping, card shopping, gift shopping, shopping for bargains, shopping around...HATE it! So when Spawn said this week, "We have to go shopping for some warm weather clothes, Mom." I was alarmed!
M-"Don't you have plenty of stuff from last year??!!!??"
S-"MOM, surprising as it may seem, i have grown in a year!"
S-"Really! And we need to go to the mall."
M-" WHAT! We can go to Target. Target is good!"
S-" the MALL..the stores I like are at the mall."
I let this sit for a couple days because we agreed to go on Friday, I was off and he had a half day of school.
M-" you know , we have a limited amount of money to spend,sooooo if we go to Target or Kohl's we could get more clothes for that money AND if we go to the mall (shudder) you may only be able to get a couple things. :)"
S-" I am aware of that."
M-"ohhhhh K-Mart!!! we could get a boatload of clothes at K-Mart!!! Son, when I was a kid I used to have to get my clothes from skycity...."
S-"MOM! the mall! K-MART..pleeeezee!" I haven't been in a MALL for 13 years..NO LIE. I think my wiring is odd and all the lights and people and NOISE cause me to nut up! But I decide I will do this...ding dang it!
So we go and when we get out of the car and are walking toward the mall he looks at me and says, "OMG!! look at what you are wearing!!!"
S-"A too little sweatshirt, with a big shirt under it, that sticks out and it's ORANGE!!"
M-" I had this on when we left the house. I AM OFF WORK TODAY!"
S-"I didn't pay attention-stay in my general direction but try not to look like you are with me."
Well-we wind our way to Hollister-the mecca of teen shopping and Spawn asks if i can just wait outside the store until he is ready to make purchases and I say hell no. So he directs me to the girl side of the store -to a corner and says just wait here and DO NOT sway to the music-LOL. Can I just say-that store is cramped--i think. Anyway i stand there...the human credit card...watching our young people twitter by. Hee hee-they sell shorts that can only be described as crotch covers! Well, the thing is , I am in the jeans corner.. and I need a pair, so i try on a pair( yes I moved from my assigned spot-lol) and they fit and they are 40% off. So -yay-I will have actually accomplished something on this hellish b-day afternoon. When Spawn was ready to check out and I laid the jeans on the counter, he looked at me with disbelief!
S-"Are you buying those for YOU????"
He shook his head, snarled his lip and walked out of the store.
M-"So what's the deal?"
S-"It is sooooo disgusting and humiliating to have your OLD mom buy a pair of Hollister jeans!! so you were moving to the music-I SAW you!"
M-"Son, I can take this stuff back and we can go to K-Mart and nothing I buy for me will humiliate you! So what do you say, dude????"
S-" No never mind!!!!"
M-"I don't change the rules on you know what they are and like them or not-they are the rules. YOU can't change the rules on me everyday and expect me to follow them. I know generally what embarrasses you and I try to avoid it. OK?"
S-" OK"
M-"I love these jeans tho-they really hug my ass and ride low enough so you can see my tramp stamp!"


  1. Parents number one job is to humiliate their children. and its soo easy to do. All you have to do is be present.

  2. OMFG i LOVE this post more than life today..bwahahahahahaha...

  3. i found this stinkin hilarious and im only 22years young. Sounds oddly like my mom and myself several years ago only we never had a Hollister or anything, it was Zumies and PacSun, but hilarious none the less!