Thursday, November 17, 2011

Boots and Boys

Spawn-taneous and Mommy chat
S"You realize I am PATHETIC!"
S-"My whole social life is on-line playing black-ops with kids from Nebraska. I actually consider these kids to be my FRIENDS! DO you get how pathetic that is???!!!"
M"Would you like to see a therapist?"
M-"Are you a danger to yourself or others?"
S-"NO! god,MOM"
M-"Are you doing drugs, drinking, sexting, looking at porno on the computer, skipping school, bullying anyone?"
S-" NO!!!!"
M-" ok, then let me tell you this. You are not pathetic! You are temporarily in "the desert". You are a freshman boy. No one has time for your kind. You are wandering alone...with your kind all about you but not close because not even freshman boys want to hang with other freshman boys..except for the nerds -just because they are more evolved. They are hanging out together and enjoying as best they can the desert that is this year. Plus you are a freshman boy who has not yet reached puberty ( you can thank me and my family of late-bloomers later) so you are are double screwed. SO my point being-considering on-line friends your real friends is not pathetic-it's your reality just for right now and it isn't bad. And I promise things will get different and more exciting and we can all hope, better."
S-" So what you are saying i just have to endure this?"
M-" This and many more desert times in your life. And while we are talking-Flushing the toilet does NOT cause brain damage! Candy wrappers left on the floor (phuck you Halloween and your endless supply ) DO NOT reproduce candy! Pockets are meant to be TEMPORARY holders of things..gum,your braces' rubber bands and notes really DON't like being washed! Towels really don't dry on the FLOOR! AND NO-we really don't need to keep the heat at 80 degrees so you can be comfortable in SHORTS!"
S-"OMG-I will get to move out someday-right!!!!!!"
M-"We can only hope!"
S-"I love you, Mom."
M-"I love you too, ALOT and I will always try to be an oasis in your desert times but that isn't a guarantee. If you back the truck up to a green lawn and dump the sand yourself- I may send you a postcard and hope you figure it out for yourself." :)
S-" I hate that you think and act younger than you are!"
S"You should not wear boots and tights!"
S-" You should not be dating!"
M-"understand your point of view!"
S-"why aren't you arguing with me?"
M-"Cause you are freshman boy....everyone knows freshman boys are just lame!" :)
S-"Thanks, Mom!"
any time....;)

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