Spawn-taneous and Mommy chat
S-"I see that you just finished mowing the back yard..that you mowed half of yesterday. Can you explain that to me?"
M-"hahhahha-not that i HAVE to son, but i am perfecting the half-ass mowing technique." :)
M-" I mow half of the yard, sit on my ass, have a beer and mow the other half the next day. It is soooo working for me. I plan on writing a research paper on how half-ass mowing extends your lifespan!!!"
S-"Stop talking, Mom, really. Can I ask -WHY you leave the mower outside the shed after you mow???? Even when you know it might rain???"
M-"That little mower works HARD.."
S-"..because you refuse to pick up sticks.."
M-"..it loves sticks AND I leave it outside because rain is god's own lawnmower car wash! Don't you think that mower loves the feel of the summer rain cooling it's little red body..."
S-"Just STOP talking..."
M-...like a lawn mower spa bath.."
S-"MOM-you can't get the front wheels lifted up high enough to get it in the shed,can you???"
M-"No, no I can't" :)
S-"Do I have to do EVERYTHING around here???"
M-" COULD YOU!!! COULD YOU, PLEEEZE! Could you work full time and pay the bills and keep the house clean, cook and wrangle a 14 year old spawn. That would be AWESOME, son. I pass the crown to you!"
S-"WHATEVER! Are you texting while we are talking!!!!!"
M-"Yes, you do it me all the time! AND although I may not be able to consistently get the mower in the shed, I can multitask!"
S-"You are texting and smiling. PLEASE tell me you are not sexting in front of me!!"
M-"I am NOT sexting!"
S-"Because seriously ,Mom, who is going to want to have sex with you..seriously! You are old as dirt and all tatted up..disgusting!"
M-" Watch yourself, son! Two tattoos is not "tatted up" and I am thinking, blind guys! I think they might find EVEN me attractive! I am trolling for blind guys..just so you know." :)
S-"NOT FUNNY! Who are you texting and smiling with?"
M-" Your dad."
S-" Then why are you smiling???"
M-" He just texted me the dates he plans on taking you on vacation-FOR A WEEK! For some odd reason-the thought made me SMILE! "
S-" GREAT, Mom-real nice!"
M-"Love you BABY!"
S-"Whatever, love you too. Could you buy me something to make my boredom go away?"
M-" No and it is the first week of summer...get ready to lay in the field of boredom for a while"
S-" Buy me a new game...buy me a girl..buy me a growth spurt..buy me excitement...MOM!"
M-"UHHH, no. We done talking?"
S-"Yes. Do you see how sad this is-that I am so bored I have to talk to you."
M-"Yes, yes I do." :)