hummingbirds and gift cards!

So, several months ago my FAVORITE team of people gave me a gift card for a ridiculously large sum for some thing or another I had done. They stood in front me looking at me expectantly as I opened the gift card to.......a spa. One of them said, "it's for a full body massage!!!". There was all sort of cooing about how I needed to pamper myself..relax etc. I smiled and cooed too-so great! thanks you guys!..the whole time I am thinking...oh hell NO. Hello, My name is April and I have a massage phobia! I really, really appreciated the gift and that they like me, really like me-lol-but I would have rather gotten a gift card to Auto Zone! Recently I was in there for first time and I hope only time, on a blazing hot Sunday, waiting for them to come check my car battery and confirm it's demise and charge me a bunch of money for a new one. And I had a chance to look around that store over and over again while WAITING.... and it has to be the most boring store in the universe. BUT i would take a gift card to there and just stock up on all sorts of crap I had no idea what it was than get a gift card to a spa for a full body massage!
Here are my problems with massages at spas-I have never actually had one, by the way. One, I am a hummingbird in a box-except when i am sleeping. The closest i come to relaxing is floating in the pool, reading a book, twirling my hair and wiggling my toes to the music on the radio. Just so you know I have been told by other people they find it impossible to relax watching me relax. Second I am terrified, TERRIFIED that I will get turned on during a massage.
like in a panting , uncontrollable, make a fool of yourself way! For some reason to me this would be the equivalent to getting up to give a speech and realizing you are naked or going to wal-mart in pajamas. It just terrifies me. I plan to work on this phobia ...never... but get THIS!!!! With a gift card you don't have to get what the people who gave it to you for -you can get something else. AND it took me three months to figure that after I finally confessed to one of the team members why I had not used the gift card. She looked at me like I was a moron and said then get a deluxe pedicure! Bless you, my child! Damn gift cards can be so complicated...beer is always a good gift! just sayin! ;)